Welcome to Good Hurts!

Good Hurts is dedicated to the best hurts on Earth: spicy foods.
I'm Russell. I teach English, write poetry, but most importantly, I am a spice aficionado and I dedicate myself to categorizing, reviewing, and torturing myself with the spiciest foods and sauces this great world has to offer, all so you can know about the most brutal, benevolent, and best bangs for your buck. Email me at hotfreakrussell@gmail.com

Enjoy, and feel the burn.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Ed's Roadhouse Jerky Inferno Hott Dam Jerky: Why eat anything else?

Ed's RoadhousE (I think the second E is supped to be capitalized) Jerky is as All-American a business as you can get. Their website keeps it simple: no additives or preservatives, simple flash animations, and an ethos the family can get believe: nobody beats my meat. Well, maybe not the family, but you get the idea. They make jerky straight from the fields of Buffalo Grove, IL, a hop skip and a jump from my hometown of Deerfield. And they make it very, very well.

Let's look at the facts: Inspired by a visit to legendary Chicago BBQ hotspot Talbots, Ed Herman has perfected his own spice crafts and USDA approved jerky mastery. The company donates money to American troops and touts their "no bull" policy about how great their product is? But IS it that good? The answer is yes. And I have the good hurts tearing my face up right now to prove it.

Good Hurts: I'm sure Ed and our troops would appreciate me saying this: this beef jerky hot knock your fuckin' head off hot. There is no more eloquent way of saying this. And if you don't believe me, the chilies they use reads like a suspect list of the spice world's most wanted: fresh habaneros, jalapenos, and fearsome Indian ghost chilis, the hottest peppers known to mankind. You can even see fresh, yellow seeds poking up from the mouth watering molasses brown jerky. After one piece, you're entire face is submerged in spice. Your nose runs, your through tingles, your eyes water--and you'll have to eat another piece. Absolute brutality...pounding stampedes of heat stand high atop the flavor. You'll have nothing to fear from meatsweats...you DO have to worry about heatsweats. We're living in a post-Man vs. Food world, so I need to clarify something: when Adam Richman explains how x pepper is x times hotter than y pepper, it's based on a much-outdated Scoville scale. A fresh habanero is insanely hot. A ghost chili is truly beyond insanity. But Ed has found a perfect harmony between crazy heat and must-eat flavor. THAT'S what Good Hurts is all about.

Flavor: Like a proud hot freak, Ed packs his jerky with wallup after wallup. But like a true gourmand, Ed Herman knows that the subtlety of ingredients makes all the difference. You can taste a sweetness brought in in thick, syrupy waves of molasses, sweet apple smoke (possibly the most dominant flavor), and corn syrup. Believe it or not, using anchovy paste (I know you make a face when you read that) adds a robust salty flavor and doesn't taste like its fishy namesake one bit. But because this isn't a hot sauce, it's all about the Angus beef, masterfully jerked (forgive me for writing that) and chewy, but still soft and moist enough to stand head and shoulders about the lousy leather tough cheap jerkys ruling our roadsides.

Availability: Order it from Ed's site. It's cheap, all natural, and a solid local business, and we need more of those than we do more oily, stinky processed jerkies sold at major chains.

Good for: Clearly one element of the American Dream is doin' things your way and gettin' the job done right. Ed's RoadhousE Jerky is something that rides solo off into the sunset. I wouldn't put it on anything, but if you're a real carnivore, I could imagine shreddings being laid on salads or sandwiches. Jerky is such a salty, savory snack on its own that its hard to imagine putting in on anything...and you sure as hell won't need to spice it up.

Heat: *****
Flavor: *****
My Review: 9.8/10

Why eat any other jerky? This is the best it can get. Sweet, salty, hot as hell, chewy but not like eating a bootstrap, robust, flavorful...this surely must be meat nirvana.

1 comment:

  1. I have been eating Ed's jerky for a little over a year now, and I have always been a fan of their hotter brands (Devils Tongue, Lil' Sweet Jalapeno Habanero). Let me start off by saying they make some of the BEST BEEF JERKY I have ever tasted. I say this literally because its THAT FUCKING GOOD. As a long time jerky lover, I have searched and purchased various brands of jerky both online and off, and I always end up buying more Ed's Jerky.

    Reading this review, I am fucking scared as shit. I just purchased 3 Lb's of Jerky from Ed's (told you I liked jerky) and 6 Oz's of that is their Inferno Jerky. I'm simply not sure if I can handle it! I am torn between hot foods because of my Acid Reflux, but this stuff sounds too damn good to pass up.

    Awesome review and this is the first time I've been scared to eat something I've bought.

    Any tips to alleviate some of the terrible after effects of capsaicin (not so fun coming out as going in)?