Welcome to Good Hurts!

Good Hurts is dedicated to the best hurts on Earth: spicy foods.
I'm Russell. I teach English, write poetry, but most importantly, I am a spice aficionado and I dedicate myself to categorizing, reviewing, and torturing myself with the spiciest foods and sauces this great world has to offer, all so you can know about the most brutal, benevolent, and best bangs for your buck. Email me at hotfreakrussell@gmail.com

Enjoy, and feel the burn.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Da' Bomb: Beyond Insanity...yes, the name of the sauce IS the description

What are the boundaries of our humanity? Are our breaking points more physical or mental? Must we experience physical and mental anguish to understand who we truly are and what we are capable of? The multiple approaches to the human mind, body, and condition are all faced with their mortal limitations by Da' Bomb's Beyond Insanity hot sauce, one of the darkest vortexes in the furthest corners of the hot sauce universe.

Let's Look at the Facts: This sauce is made by Original Juan's...yes, the company that makes the fun bottles with the screaming people on them also produces this military-grade pill of pure pain. The A-Bomb on the front is absolutely fitting for this sauce, and if I ran the company, I'd wrap it in some caution tape, too. In the interest of the hundreds of thousands of families undoubtedly reading this review, this is not S**T to *F**K around with. A tiny bottle of this will go a really, really long way. I plan to be buried clutching my three-quarters full bottle, for example.

Good Hurts: This sauce is explosive and at almost 200,000 Scoville units (Dave's is about 80,000 and still far, far to hot for anyone to realistically consume), it really is way beyond insanity. Here's some Good Hurts advice to everyone out there in the hot food nebula: once you get this hot, how much hotter it can go is sort of negligible. Yes, some super double dog extra special reserves are at nearly half a million Scoville units (or even a million), having just one bite of anything this hot will smash you and isn't meant to be fun food. One drop on your tongue is an explosion of epic proportions...a milisecond tingle becomes a dry, taste-bud tearing blast that lingers for up to 20 minutes(!!!!!!). You can even feel your ears ring, sinuses ache, and tongue-tip cook within a couple tiny, tiny drops. This is made only for real hot freaks like me and you.

Flavor:  Like heat, the flavor is sort of hard to notice when your ears, eyes, and throat are burning violently, with the unrelenting churl of oil-less gears. Unlike Dave's it's not much of a tropical blast, which is ironic because the ingredients actually contain orange juice concentrate! That's like saying napalm is better because it's made with marshmallow, along with industrial toxins. The chipotle puree, which is made from ground up roasted jalapenos, water, and liberal amounts of salt, cuts the tropical flavor of habanero; It's like a sweeter version of red clay. That's the taste of death before the spice carries you away.

Availability: I'm a big mixed martial arts fan, but I think regular people unfamiliar with the sport can follow this metephor: UFC is super popular and their name is everywhere. But they also own WEC, a smaller federation running shows in small buildings almost totally devoid of the UFC name. Da' Bomb sauces are Original Juan's UFC. Original Juan's ubiquitous screaming face sauces are in Wal-Mart, for goodness sakes, but you'd be hard pressed to find it anywhere but at solid, self-respecting hot sauce emporiums or the internet. It's too hardcore for any normal person, but also too hardcore to just go away.

Good on: In this case, on is in, unless you want to be one of those annoying people posting videos of themselves eating hot sauce on Youtube (read: video forthcoming). A drop in chili will make it too hot for the average homeboy. I don't mean a bowl of chili...I mean an entire pot of chili. Use with caution! This is not a food...it's a food additive. Why is it made? Ask yourself this question first: what is the human condition?

Heat: *****
Flavor: *
My Review: 6.5/10

A good review for shock factor and making other foods hot, but otherwise not made for human consumption. Enjoy!

1 comment:

  1. I agree with this post. I made the mistake of putting two drops on a single tortilla chip. I'm a person who enjoys insanely hot food like "Endorphin Rush" hot sauce which is amazing. This single chip had me almost wanting to throw up, but in a good way! I found the flavor of this sauce too smokey for my liking. It literally tasted like that Liquid Smoke flavoring. Besides not caring for the flavor this sauce is fun as hell to have every once in a while.