Tabasco Chipotle Pepper Sauce: The pride and joy of a president, an instant classic

President's choice: not just another brand name for cheapo bulk grocery stores, but those words bestowed from Paul McIlhenny, president of Tabasco, onto Tabasco's Chipotle Pepper Sauce. Be very careful with this sauce; it's not too hot, it tastes great, and it's Tabasco's best product for hot freaks or foodies. So why be careful? Because addictions can be problems, and this sauce will fly off your shelf and out of your fridge which, consequently, will cause money to fly out of your wallet to get more of this stuff to guzzle down.


Let's look at the facts: According to Tabasco legend, Paul McIlhenny would only share this sauce with his family for some time; now, it's available in many places, though not as easy to find as it's thinner, redder cousin. Why is that? It may have something to do with the fact that the chipotle pepper, while loved by hot freaks and snobbish food-show types who like to use the word "infuse," is still often too damn hot for the regulars. The taste is something different than the French and European style aged vinegar sauces Tabasco is famous for; in fact, to look closer at this flavor, you have to look to Mexico and areas of South America, where red, ripe jalapenos were smoked over a fire and left to dry, creating the maroon/reddish brown, wrinkly pepper we've come to know and love. This sauce is really special for Tabasco for a couple reasons: 1.) it tastes incredible, and that's always special, and 2.) the texture of the sauce is different than what they usually do; this sauce is noticeably thicker and heartier. In fact, if it were a little thicker, one might be inclined to use it like you would a salsa or bean dip. Yes, this one's a real champion.

Good Hurts: Tabasco claims that this sauce is not too mild, not too hot; I think it could stand to be a little hotter. This chipotle pepper sauce is one that won't leave you face-down in a puddle of milk with urine stained pants and no memory of how you got there. A raw chipotle (or one that cones in the delicious cans of adobo sauce--highly recommended) is pretty hot...one that will no doubt see you sweatin' and shakin'. This sauce will leave a lingering burn on your lips and the tip of your tongue, but by no means is it an enveloping or serious heat. The problem is this: while this sauce is meant to be flavorful, it's not a sauce designed to rest on the laurels of taste alone. It should be a little hotter, because a chipotle sauce should be hot like a chipotle pepper unless otherwise noted.
Small complaints about an awesome sauce, I know...but little things can chip away at what otherwise may be flawless.

Flavor: This sauce is a BBQ lover's real dream companion; the bottle makes sure you see the prominent repetition of the word SMOKED across the top. Onion powder, garlic, and hints of sugar round out a flavor not unlike the delicious, full-bodied smell of a campfire. Vinegar and red pepper go into the mix; a lot of the ingredients have overlap with BBQ sauce. The difference here is that this thicker sauce is still much thinner than salsa or molassas/ketsup like BBQ. It's Tabasco's best sauce, full of rich and subtle flavors, all enjoyable. Major kudos to this one, especially for whomever had the foresight to push their company in such an interesting direction with new stuff like this.

Availability: It's easy to find with most other Tabasco products (read: everywhere, all the time), but they say something interesting they can actually back up: if you can't find it, request it at a location and they'll find a way to get it to you. Tabasco is a master of distribution, so they really can ship sauces to local markets that carry their products pretty much at (your) will.


Good for: The smokey flavor of a chipotle is friends with any chef for a reason: it's unique, hot, and compliments such a wide range of foods. I think Tabasco is on to something when they say to use it like a marinade for grilled veggies and meats. Also, because this sauce is sweeter and not too hot, it's a good additive to bean or chili dishes without being too overpowering. If you want a taste of the chipotle pepper that works well for pretty much anyone, this should be your go-to Tabasco sauce. If I were them, history be damned, I'd push this sauce as hard as their original.

Review:
Heat: *1/2
Flavor: ****1/2
My Review: 8.9

In a proper chipotle sauce, heat should be showcased a little more. However, this bold (literally) experiment in branching out is nothing short of a monumental triumph. This is a must-have sauce for your pantry!

Tabasco Milder Jalapeno: Jalapeno taste with a green pepper heart

It's time to give some Good Hurts attention to Tabasco...that's right, Big Tabasco, the company synonymous with hot sauce for so many people worldwide. As any giant company knows, you have to stay relevant and take risks to be on top. This sauce, the one I think is one of the company's most out-there, is marketed as a mild jalapeno sauce. It's mild and jalapeno-y, but is it any good?

Let's look at the facts: Tabasco is so big and powerful that they can sort of create their own spectrum of hot sauces. In the middle is their standard hot sauce--watery, tangy, and moderately spicy if you enough of it. This sauce isn't spicy at all, but seeks out a pepper rich in flavor but difficult to harness without the heat. Flavor is important here, and this sauce does a pretty good job of capturing the ripe zest of a raw jalapeno while essentially neutering the insane heat.

Good Hurts: This sauce has only the slightest traces of heat...a slight murmur in the back of your throat, a gentle tingle on your lips. This sauce's heat is nearly intangible; without jalapeno on the bottle, you might not know that it's meant to be a hot sauce. One of the big pluses of this sauce is that it tastes the way most Tabasco does (salty, tangy) with only a hint of spice but flavor intact.

Flavor: It's like I said above: this sauce is very salty and tangy, but it has a special quality other jalapeno sauces have a really hard time replicating. A raw jalapeno is a magical thing, full of fresh, green-pepper like acidic flavor and a seering heat. For some reason I don't (and probably never will) understand, most places that make jalapeno sauce end up making it smell and taste strongly of chalk. I've encountered this problem with dozens of hot sauces, but it exists mostly in the jalapeno world. Maybe it has something to do with freshness, packaging, or the aging of the pepper mash...whatever it is, Tabasco is able to effectively side step it. However, the sauce tastes good, not amazing. The salt and acid will command control of your taste buds, hiding some of those subtle qualities that make jalapenos so gol' durn tasty.

Availability: Well, if you live on the planet Earth, Tabasco is probably nearby. Their standard sauce is easiest to find, but this sauce is nearly as prevalent in grocery stores, gourmet shops, and even gas stations.

Good for: You just have to see this website; Tabasco may have a much bigger budget than, say, Bob, who makes sauce out of the muffler of his car and sells it per-order, but it really shocks me that Tabasco is one of the few companies with the foresight to name all the things they think their sauce is good for. This sauce's best and brightest qualities are also the things that hold it back a bit: the salty, tangy pepper zest and lack of heat make it ideal for blander, carb heavy dishes, like rice, beans, tortillas, grits, and more. Without the kick of spice, this sauce becomes a more everyman sauce and less a part of the exclusive world of hot insanity.


Review:
Heat: 1/2 star
Flavor: ***
My Review: 6.9

For a decent jalapeno flavor with the the heart of a mild green pepper, Tabasco's got your number.

It's Tabasco week at Good Hurts!

Over the next week or so, Good Hurts will be featuring the primary sauces made by big Tabasco, the #1 hot sauce company in the USA! Since last reviewing their standard namesake sauce, I became interested in their other products. I think you'll find that Tabasco is surprising, versatile, and, despite their tried-and-true legendary formula, "still gots it."

Jalapeno Harissa Batch #112: Jalapeno without the hurt

The good folks at Original Juan's continue their Good Hurts dominance throughout the early part of 2010 with Jalapeno Harissa's Batch #112 sauce. Does it hurt as much as Harissa (if that is Harissa on the bottle) makes it seem like it does?

Let's look at the facts: Well, first of all, it needs to be said: my bottle doesn't have the fun heat-o-meter that the picture shows. That being said, the heat-o-meter needs to be checked (where can you get refills of mercury these days?) because this sauce is tasty but tame as a pussycat.

Good Hurts: It's good, but it certainly doesn't hurt. Harissa must have either eaten a different sauce or gotten an insect in her mouth; this sauce is not hot at all. Even the most inexperienced of spice eaters would be hard pressed to detect even the slightest inklings of heat here. Jalapenos may be in it, but the flavor is more pervasive...not so much the spice.

Flavor: When I tasted it, something was interesting that I couldn't put my finger on. The zest of the jalapeno is there, but the garden-fresh flavor of tomato paste covers it up a bit. It wasn't lime juice of salty vinegar, but something seemed indicative of light, aromatic herbs. Then I looked on the bottle and found it: fresh mint and cilantro! This sauce has the taste of a very runny pico de gallo salsa, garden-packed with the powerful zings of mint and cilantro. Very, very tasty...not quite sweet, but a finely-chopped salsa-like hot sauce.

Availability: These sauces are very easy to find in grocery stores nationwide and on the Original Juan's website. Their "Batch #" series of sauces seems popular, tasty, and welcome alternative to the more easy-to-find Louisiana sauces and big-name Mexican picante sauces.

Good for: Because this sauce seems so much like salsa, I think it pairs really well with pretty much any Mexican food you can think of...chips, tacos, and fajitas would go well with this thin, finely ground flavor. The ingredients are already eerily reminiscent of salsa, so why not treat it like one?

Review:
Heat: 1/4 Star
Flavor: ***1/2
My Review: 6.9/10

A member of the salsa family has jumped the tree and landed in the branches of hot sauce, but it will never be a full-blooded sibling; tasty and worth eating, but a far cry from some of the burning beauties Original Juan's is capable of (read: Da' Bomb).

Da' Bomb: Beyond Insanity...yes, the name of the sauce IS the description

What are the boundaries of our humanity? Are our breaking points more physical or mental? Must we experience physical and mental anguish to understand who we truly are and what we are capable of? The multiple approaches to the human mind, body, and condition are all faced with their mortal limitations by Da' Bomb's Beyond Insanity hot sauce, one of the darkest vortexes in the furthest corners of the hot sauce universe.

Let's Look at the Facts: This sauce is made by Original Juan's...yes, the company that makes the fun bottles with the screaming people on them also produces this military-grade pill of pure pain. The A-Bomb on the front is absolutely fitting for this sauce, and if I ran the company, I'd wrap it in some caution tape, too. In the interest of the hundreds of thousands of families undoubtedly reading this review, this is not S**T to *F**K around with. A tiny bottle of this will go a really, really long way. I plan to be buried clutching my three-quarters full bottle, for example.


Good Hurts: This sauce is explosive and at almost 200,000 Scoville units (Dave's is about 80,000 and still far, far to hot for anyone to realistically consume), it really is way beyond insanity. Here's some Good Hurts advice to everyone out there in the hot food nebula: once you get this hot, how much hotter it can go is sort of negligible. Yes, some super double dog extra special reserves are at nearly half a million Scoville units (or even a million), having just one bite of anything this hot will smash you and isn't meant to be fun food. One drop on your tongue is an explosion of epic proportions...a milisecond tingle becomes a dry, taste-bud tearing blast that lingers for up to 20 minutes(!!!!!!). You can even feel your ears ring, sinuses ache, and tongue-tip cook within a couple tiny, tiny drops. This is made only for real hot freaks like me and you.


Flavor:  Like heat, the flavor is sort of hard to notice when your ears, eyes, and throat are burning violently, with the unrelenting churl of oil-less gears. Unlike Dave's it's not much of a tropical blast, which is ironic because the ingredients actually contain orange juice concentrate! That's like saying napalm is better because it's made with marshmallow, along with industrial toxins. The chipotle puree, which is made from ground up roasted jalapenos, water, and liberal amounts of salt, cuts the tropical flavor of habanero; It's like a sweeter version of red clay. That's the taste of death before the spice carries you away.


Availability: I'm a big mixed martial arts fan, but I think regular people unfamiliar with the sport can follow this metephor: UFC is super popular and their name is everywhere. But they also own WEC, a smaller federation running shows in small buildings almost totally devoid of the UFC name. Da' Bomb sauces are Original Juan's UFC. Original Juan's ubiquitous screaming face sauces are in Wal-Mart, for goodness sakes, but you'd be hard pressed to find it anywhere but at solid, self-respecting hot sauce emporiums or the internet. It's too hardcore for any normal person, but also too hardcore to just go away.


Good on: In this case, on is in, unless you want to be one of those annoying people posting videos of themselves eating hot sauce on Youtube (read: video forthcoming). A drop in chili will make it too hot for the average homeboy. I don't mean a bowl of chili...I mean an entire pot of chili. Use with caution! This is not a food...it's a food additive. Why is it made? Ask yourself this question first: what is the human condition?


Review:
Heat: *****
Flavor: *
My Review: 6.5/10


A good review for shock factor and making other foods hot, but otherwise not made for human consumption. Enjoy!