Welcome to Good Hurts!

Good Hurts is dedicated to the best hurts on Earth: spicy foods.
I'm Russell. I teach English, write poetry, but most importantly, I am a spice aficionado and I dedicate myself to categorizing, reviewing, and torturing myself with the spiciest foods and sauces this great world has to offer, all so you can know about the most brutal, benevolent, and best bangs for your buck. Email me at hotfreakrussell@gmail.com


Enjoy, and feel the burn.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Melinda's XXXXtra Reserve: A reserve for the rest of us


Ah, yes. The world of "reserves." Whether it's music, booze, gourmet foods, or anything, really, when you slap "reserve" on it, it just gives it that special tingle of joining a secret club or being told a really juicy secret. Hot sauce companies know all about double secret reverse special reserves. Dave's, Blair's, and some of the biggest and baddest companies out there make special reserves, promising outrageous levels of spice and even more outrageous prices. Even Tabasco got in on the reserve action, selling hyper-pricey bottles of their special "Avery Island" reserve sauce.  Melinda's Hot Sauce, run by the Figueroa Brothers, have tossed their hat into the not-enough-for-everyone-only-those-with-a-big-wad-of-bills game, making a reserve that's bountiful enough for everyone!


Let's look at the facts: Their website claims: From time to time, optimal growing conditions can produce Habanero crops that yield extremely fiery chiles, Melinda's ages these select chiles to make our new XXXXtra Hot Reserve. It is made with the same fine ingredients present in our famous Original Habanero Recipe. This is the hottest Melinda's. Limited Quantities available. Luckily for us, the growing conditions were just right to get plenty out to gourmet stores and in massive quantities online! Sow hat makes it a reserve sauce? Here's my checklist:
 -Special gold emblem proclaiming the hot sauce's "Special Reserve" status and year (a la fine wine [2009])? Check.
-All aboard the natural foods bandwagon? Check.
-Party stopper*? Check.

*I call this devilish contraption a "party stopper." It's a little plastic ring you put over your hot sauce bottle to prevent people from pouring out too much. In fact, it adds a twinge of restrictive elitism; this stopper prevents the buying from pouring out too much sauce at once, subtly enforcing the idea that the sauce is so hot and special that you only need a little. For true pepperheads, this is the equivalent of a palsy one-slice limit at a great pizza party.

Good Hurts: It's got a good, solid habanero burn. Probably too much for the average person, but hey, this sauce is RESERVE! Only the golden may touch the spice. Honestly, it's a solid heat that will do you proud on food and lingering on your tongue, bite after bite. Habaneros are obviously (if you read this site as much as I hope you do) a reoccurring theme in hot sauce, naturally hot as hell and dependable for heat.


Flavor: The best part of this reserve sauce, special or no, is the fact that it uses all natural ingredients and vegetables as its base. No coloring, no science-gums; nothing but carrots, onions, lime juice, garlic, and the usual suspects: vinegar and peppers. You can really taste the carrots and salty garlic. There are hot habanero (and ghost pepper sauces) with less ingredients that taste even better, however. As far as regular people go, this sauce really is something special. The acid and veggies work together here well enough for everyone.

Availability: I'm a huge pro wrestling fan, so work with me, if you will. The WWE has three separate shows with three seperate rosters: Raw, Smackdown, and ECW.  Raw and Smackdown have the biggest stars, the top belts, and the most exposure. ECW is on Syfy, the former Science Fiction channel, and has the smallest amount of viewers. It also has its own title, which is really cool, but less exposed and prestigious than the WWE or World Heavyweight titles on Raw and Smackdown, respectively. Melinda's XXXXtra Reserve is the ECW title of reserve hot sauce. It tastes good, has a solid heat, and is available in gourmet and specialty grocery stores. Blair's 3 AM and Dave's Special Reserve are REALLY expensive and hard to find, but deadly hot. This is a special reserve, but cheap and easy to find in many places.

Good on: The flavor is a little too veggie-heavy and garlicy, I think, for a lot of different cuisines. Mexican is a must, and salsa-livening is suggested. Basically, if it's a standard item you'd put hot sauce on, Melinda's XXXXtra Reserve is for you.

My Review:
Heat: ***3/4
Flavor: ***1/2
My Review: 7.6/10

For a reserve for the rest, don't shy away from Melinda's XXXXtra Reserve, the hottest of the Melinda's brand.




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